About two years ago, I noticed that he had been acting funny. He had been doing work around the house where as before he had never lifted a finger. He was cooking dinner and doing laundry for literally the first time in our marriage. I didn't know what was behind his behavior, but I was afraid to question it since I could use all the help I can get. You can imagine how surprised I was when he finally told me one night that he wanted to try and make some changes in our relationship. He wanted to me to become the head of our household.
At first I was very hesitant. It seemed weird to me to be quite honest. I told him I would think about it, but I quickly proceeded to act as if nothing had happened. He also started behaving as if he had never brought the topic up at all. I know now that he felt very ashamed and embarrassed by my initial reaction. I now underestimated how much it took for him to come clean with me about his desires.
It was only after a couple of weeks, after he had reverted to doing absolutely no chores around the house, that I brought the topic up again. It was actually in the context of an argument with him that it came up. I was yelling at him for throwing his clothes on the floor. He begrudgingly got up and started picking everything up. I told him that if he was really serious about me being the head of the household, he would be in for more than he bargained. At this point his eyes lit up. Instead of just walking away, I took the opportunity to give him a chance to talk more about it. He said that he just felt more comfortable if I was in charge. He said he had felt that way for a long time. I told him I was willing to give it a try.
It was a struggle at first. Little by little I got more comfortable in telling him what I wanted. Still, he would occasionally lapse back into his old ways. Finally, I sat down with him and told him that I was too used to being in control to go back. I told him that while I felt as close to him as ever, things were different now. I now expected him to obey me. I don't know what had clicked in me. I guess I was enjoying being in control as much as he enjoyed submitting. Once I openly communicated my expectations, things have never been better. I feel so much closer to him now that we have both accepted our roles in the relationship.
It is completely transparent to our friends. He is respectful to me in front of others, but nobody outside of the two of us would ever guess just how much control I have in the marriage. It really is a great arrangement. Every woman should be so lucky!